i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just blew my weed a kiss
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
