glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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