Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
