I love black thongs
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
