i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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