He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
