i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
