I just threw up on my dentist
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize