I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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