Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
