dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
