He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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