so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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