I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i dont even know how to be here
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
