Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
