My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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