some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
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