i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
