38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
