listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
