I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
