please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
please come you make the beer taste better
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
