I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
