i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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