god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
