Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
