OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
