i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
