I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
