Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
