Define "chronic" masturbator.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
