forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So much rum. So many feels.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
