I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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