Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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