I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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