So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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