i just wanna soil my oats bro
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
