My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
