so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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