You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Even my vagina gasped.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
