She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
