i don't like sucking hair
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
