i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
