She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
