in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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