You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
