Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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