she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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