He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
