ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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