I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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