Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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