i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize