she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
