i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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