Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
