Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Randomize
