True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
