my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
