Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize