I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
