the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
