they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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