You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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