Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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