You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
