I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
