you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize