There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
