I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
