The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
it's like iHOP with fire
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
