dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
