he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
