Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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