once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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