chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
