Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize