so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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