and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
