So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
