Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
