i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize