We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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