Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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