I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
