Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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