I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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